Yet again, I managed to fall over in spectacular fashion 10 days ago at a family gathering. The result? A chipped vertebrae, an ounce of humiliation and a stint in Newport Gwent Hospital. Today sees the start of my second week off work (hopefully my last), as I am not quite as mobile as I would like (nor need to be) and I'm still popping the pain killers. Definitely on the mend though and grateful that the fall hasn't (I hope) caused any serious lasting damage.
I have to say there is nothing like 48 hrs in hospital to make you appreciate everything you have. Your comfy bed at home, nice food in the fridge and not having to wear an open-back gown that is about as stylish as Bella Emberg's pyjama's. After several x-rays to try to locate the problem, way too much morphine (that caused hallucinations of a donkey with a green necklace roaming around the wards) and some anti-sickness drugs that seemed to do nothing but bring on sickness, they decided to keep me overnight.
Unfortunately, I was kept in on a Saturday night and I shared the ward with three other ladies, two of which had tried to commit suicide that very night. It was a very sad awakening for me for many reasons. I witnessed first-hand the abuse that the nursing staff have to deal with on a regular basis when they are only trying to do their best to help. But also, the number of sad characters that a Saturday night in casualty attracts. It felt strange to be that close to individuals that had actually tried to take their own lives. Not only that, but from what the nurses said, they appeared to be regulars. I am sorry to say that I have known of a couple of people that have taken their own lives (and another that tried and failed thankfully) and cannot help but think how badly they were let down. For a start, left down by the system. A dear friend of my mothers took her own life last week, far too early, leaving lots of questions and sadness behind her. On chatting to my mum though, she found out that she had tried to take her own life a month or two previous, was admitted to hospital but was quickly discharged the following day after convincing the doctors that "she felt better and would never try it again". Just like that, pills prescribed and she was out of the door.
The old adage of "you can never have too many friends" is very true, although I appreciate that depression can leave its host powerless at times, regardless of the support network you may have around you trying to fight it. I am lucky enough never to have suffered from it although, I did go through a very dark period some years ago, but luckily for me one friend in particular brought me back to life and gave me the kick up the ass that I so desperately needed. Illness and disease scare the hell out of me but one thing that I almost think is worse is loneliness. There is no pill or cure for that. And if you feel that isolated and that alone, I can imagine that some people think there is only one course of action open to them. And the people left behind will never quite fully understand the reasons why. I hope that the two ladies in question get the help they need (and want it), so they can see the beauty in life and the millions of good things they could experience if they stuck around. At this present time, I know of three people that are battling Cancer, so a cloak of sadness and worry is unfortunately hanging around, and I think of them on a daily basis, trying to understand why bad things always happen to good people. I am not sure I will ever get the answer.
Since coming out of hospital, I have been telling John how much I love him every day (even more than normal) and I am trying to appreciate every little thing in my life, no matter how small and I have made a resolution to try and be as positive as possible no matter what life throws at me. Things that have brought me joy this week (despite the injury) are all the resourceful birds in my garden that never cease to amaze me, a beautiful twinkling star last night, seeing all the magnolia trees now out in bloom and all the lovely cards and well wishes I have received that just leave you warm inside.
So, in terms of my situation, one up-side of being "incapacitated", is having time. That elusive thing that I constantly search for and wish I had more of. And here it is, handed to me on a platter. Grabbing it with both hands, I have ordered some books on Amazon; one on Astronomy and the other on Greek Mythology, both subjects that I have always wanted to learn about and I am doing as much reading and writing as possible. So there will probably be lots of blog activity this week as it is one hobby that requires only a modicum of movement and only from my fingers.
Not the best photo in the world but you get the idea. Hollie's love of squirrels proved to be a bit of a challenge in terms of drawing this but nevertheless, I was really pleased with the result. I may even try some more art this week now that I have the time!
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